Oh, Miguel!
Oh, Miguel! 'is the eighth episode of Season 2 and the first episode of the GP Saga. This episode introduces Miguel the Ungassable, a Ukrainian immigrant and former resident of Kilmessan. It begins on the 4th of September 2020, in the aftermath of the Battle of Krasnoyarsk Krai. Miguel, who acted as mission control for Jakeus and Bertie, is trapped in an Alpha Team satellite that has crashed in the middle of a Ukrainian exclusion zone. Stranded in Earth's orbit, Miguel looks for people online to sell memes to in order to get enough shekels to buy a radiation suit off Amazon. Summary The episode begins in the aftermath of a conversation with a stranger, who was accused of having AIDS by Miguel. Miguel greets the audience, and mentions his desire for money. Brought together by their mutual love of Minecraft, Miguel begins a conversation with The Ageless Stranger. The Stranger asks for Miguel's age and is ignored. Miguel accidentally calls The Stranger a little boy and spends the rest of the conversation trying to amend the mistake, to no response. Miguel enters a new conversation and opens with the line "yu like memes kid". Enraged Chappy is enraged by this remark and begins terrorising Miguel, who assumes a submissive disposition. Miguel tries to explain his situation, but the conversation is cut off in the middle of Chappy's sarcastic salute to Ukraine. Miguel grumbles about Chappy's conduct. Miguel's next interlocutor is none other than the Russian-Arab oil baron Charles al Breek. Al Breek greets Miguel with the phrase ''cheeki breeki ''(which, in terms of intention, translates to ''I'm going to shoot you in the fucking head). The threat passes through Miguel's ears. Miguel asks al Breek if he can speak English. The latter simply shakes his head and ends the conversation. The Temptress presents itself to Miguel, offering to show him porn. Miguel, an ever vigilant member of the Orthodox Church, immediately denies the request. Blox Boy, the most promising potential buyer so far, is next on the line. Miguel offers to sell blocks, but the conversation quickly diverts to Miguel's GP-5. Miguel is unable to keep his customer's attention, and the conversation ends. Miguel is then assailed by The Banshees, who scream extremely loudly for two seconds before disconnecting. He is bewildered by the encounter and lapses back into speaking Ukrainian out of confusion. The first successful encounter is with Amiable Barry. Barry is amused by Miguel's shtick and purchases ₴200 (€6.50) of memes and blocks. Miguel has a brief encounter with Whiteshirt of the KKK, who immediately ends the conversation. The next conversation is held with the Benefactor, who is the first person immediately willing to buy Miguel's merchandise. Miguel sells a Harambe meme for seven Ukrainian shekels (€0.23). Before the conversation ends, the Benefactor asks for information on Russia's defacement of the Ukrainian border police, to which Miguel sends the appropriate files. Miguel is visited by the spirit Buer and a consort. Buer angrily derides Miguel's poor English skills and ends the conversation. On the tail of this encounter, Viper takes Miguel by surprise. The Game Master, a subordinate of the King of Games, intercepts Miguel's transmission and gives him four options. He can either play an Omegle dare game, get rated, learn how to squirt/orgasm or watch and rate the Game Master cum. Miguel evokes the Chi Rho and does none of these. Miguel's final and most terrifying encounter is with Ah'lshtal the Eternal, a demonic emissary of the KOE. Miguel, desensitised to horror by his previous encounters, tells the demon its kind deserves to go to the chambers. Near the end of his transmission, Miguel tries to send the message of The Mine Rob Craft Blox Boys with no success. Post-Episode A day after the mercantile campaign's complete failure, Miguel is contacted by the Benefactor with the message "thanks for the stuff. hope to work with u later". Four hundred shekels (€13) are deposited into his bank account, enough to by a shitty hazmat suit of Ukrainian standard. ''Prev. Episode | Next Episode' Category:Episodes Category:Season 2 Category:GP